bucket list.

in honor of turning 27 ive decided to make an official "bucket list."

1.) swim with whale sharks.
2.) go to the world cup.
3.) climb mount kilimanjaro.
4.) buy a nice camera and take a photography class.
5.) go to sturgis on a motorcycle.
6.) go to burning man.
7.) go on a safari and victoria falls (see a lion in the wild).
8.) see the northern lights.
9.) cook...anything.
10.) eat steak and drink wine in argentina.
11.) master a few songs on the piano.
12.) eat my own placenta.
13.) kiss a boy under the eiffel tower.
14.) write a kids book.
15.) deliver babies in africa.
16.) sleep in a haunted house.
17.) fall truly, madly, deeply in love.
18.) adopt a kid.
19.) wear a big hat and drink a mint julep at the kentucky derby.
20.) publish an article in a travel magazine.
21.) go ice climbing.
22.) learn spanish and danish.
23.) go back to laos. take someone.
24.) dive at night through a ship wreck.
25.) hike the annapurna circuit.
26.) compete in a salsa dancing competition.
27.) get a (meaningful) tattoo :)

delhi belly.

we were finally leaving delhi. we had booked our whole trip and it involved a lot of trains! we were looking forward to the experience and excited for the adventure. but we also were starting to feel sick.

"when you get to the train station DONT show your ticket to ANYONE. dont ask anyone any questions. find the train number on the board and then find the platform and then go to that platform. this is going to be a culture shock. there are not going to be other women or tourist. its a five hour train ride and the doors stay open which mean beggars are on and off. watch your stuff. dont sleep. dont accept or buy anything from anyone...they will try to poison you and steal your stuff. any questions?"

"um...yeah. where can i throw up?" i said. completely serious.

"what?" he looks at me confused.

i walk out the door and throw up on a bunch of trash.

I thought it was the end of my sickness. i thought we would just get a 24 hour food poisoning thing. i thought i was incapable of getting "culture shock." i thought i would adjust to india a little quicker.

but for the next week tayler and i saw the worst of each other. we couldnt keep anything down. we didnt eat. i would try to drink water but i couldnt keep that down. i just laid in bed thinking of how INDIA really stands for "Ill Never Do It Again."

life in an ashram.

i was waiting for Sassi to come pick me up.
it had been four days.
four loooong days in an ashram. tayler was out bathing elephants somewhere and i was leaving to go....home, i guess.
this whole ashram thing wasnt even part of our plan! ok...it wasnt part of MY plan. i didnt even know what an ashram was when i stepped into this place.

of course the only preparation i did was glance of the "home page" from their website:

"The Sivananda Yoga Vedanta Dhanwantari Ashram is set in 12 acres of tropical splendour in the foothills of Kerala's Western Ghats. The natural beauty of Neyyar Dam, the forested surroundings, the cool green coconut tree groves and colourful flower-filled views, all offer an ideal atmosphere for the practice of yoga and meditation.

The ashram program covers classical yoga techniques, taught in a warm and friendly environment, helps to instil in guests a deep awareness of the spiritual essence of life."

sounds great.
ha.
what it doesnt tell you is that you wake up at 5am for about an HOUR of "meditation" and singing- "ok everyone sit with your back straight, eyes closed, while repeating your "mantra" for the next 30 minutes."
Tayler and I just look at each other.
"30 minutes?" tayler mouths to me.
"what's a mantra?" i ask back.

and so there we were. the clueless western girls who just wanted to read our novels (reading novels is forbidden at the ashram) and eat a hamburger (again maybe this was just me).
but i can honestly say, after my experience at the ashram, that i have more respect and understanding for meditation and yoga and the benefits it can have for the mind, body and soul.

since ive been back i admit that i havent embraced meditation as much as ive intended. and although meditation stems from buddism, i believe that it can be a substantial part of my relationship with God. I think the act of surrendering my own thoughts can allow myself to connect with God on a different level. so much of my relationship has been based on how I have interpreted Him to be or have wanted him to be. so i think ill start with meditating on a few words or a verse.
ill let you know how it goes ;)

namaste.

what was i thinking?

"last call for flight 856 to Delhi"
I had been hanging out/sleeping at the London Heathrow airport for the last nine hours and I was holding off on boarding the flight.
to india.
what was i thinking?
i dont know anything about india. and tayler didn't make her flight, so i was going alone. to INDIA!! I was arguing/talking to myself as the line crept closer.
frantically looking around for ANYONE who looked normal, spoke english, had a backpack. this was plan A - find a friend and ask them to take me with them, where ever it is they were going.
my seat was something like "42J." middle seat and i just stared straight ahead, lonely planet on my lap. counting how many minutes I had to change my mind.

and then an angel from god aka 22 year old Antonin from france sat down next to me. lonely planet in hand. with the exact same expression on his face that i had.
we became friends instantly. he had booked his ticket the night before and was going to india for a six month internship in Japiur. he aslo had no idea what he was getting into. hated spicy food. and his tv on the eight hour flight was broken :) we bonded and he didnt leave my side for the next day,"our" first day in india.

the colors the smells the people the food - i was tired, but my eyes were wide open. people tell you about these places but it doesnt matter. i had to go. i had to see it for myself. and there i was drinking chai with the locals. "alone" in one of the most populated countries. i had no idea what i had just gotten myself into.