the most wonderful time of the year.

i have a long layover in burbank and i thought it would be a perfect time to catch up on my blog. except I am sitting in a starbucks full of loud, cheerful consumerist. i am trying to drown out the obnoxious christmas music with something more relaxing. everything is distracting. burbank is full of tourist and people trying to make it. it's a 20 minute drive from the hollywood sign. outside there is a huge christmas tree with bible thumpers standing in front. the wall directly across from me is covered in posters of the counties from which some of the coffee derives...the tanzania one wont stop looking at me. it's taunting me with the rude awakening of being back in the states.
its a weird time of year to come back from africa. my sister kept saying she felt like this trip was going to "change me" more than previous trips. and yes, one of the big reasons i travel is selfishly for myself. to cleanse my mind, body and soul from whatever toxins or misconceptions i have believed about...well, life. the simplicity of being in a third world country alone automatically lowers your expectations about almost everything. i expect to get sick, for the van to break down, to not get on my flights. when i was there little things like warm showers made me so happy :) i am only in control of so much and my attitude is the difference between an ordeal and an adventure (ok, thats a direct quote from pinterest...but it's true!) it takes a lot for me to get irritated or stressed out because i just keep reminding myself of how lucky i am to be in africa and that everything good and bad is part of the experience, part of the story.
but that's africa.
now i am home and it's like i have a sense of bitterness and irritation towards...well, almost everyone. ha. all the sudden i feel allowed or entitled to have high expectations for people and things, including myself. and i am constantly being let down. i was planning on adventure and some sort of revelation in who i am and god building my character. my trip was great, it was so smooth it was almost erie. what i wasn't prepared for was america being so challenging.