Oils!

I tend to want to do everything that my dear friend Elisa does. They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, right!?  I love her style and taste and she is so smart and funny. So when she started talking about these new "essential oils" that she is "really" into - I didn't think twice about getting on board. She was using them because she had recently re-broken her foot, had surgery and couldn't do much for a couple months. For someone who is active and likes to be outside she naturally wasn't feeling great. The oils not only helped her emotionally but she also was able to stop taking all the pain medication! I ordered a kit and this is how my oil addiction began...

Birthday Love.

We were sitting around the table playing a game of "citizens of humanity"- a snowy night in Crested Butte. My friend Jenn preparing pazole soup. It was elisa, erin, jen, jen's bf, and jen's bf's friend. When Jen sent out the invite for her annual get together at her parent's amazing cabin I couldn't think of a better place to be for my 30th. Then when Elisa surprised me on the phone saying that she was flying out for the trip - I knew it would be perfect! And it was. After much laughing, appetizers and wine we starting eating around 10pm. The most delicious birthday dinner. They brought out a confetti birthday cake and I made a wish and then Elisa brought out this book that she had put together. Of basically all my friends and family writing me love notes. I starting crying right away. I am so lucky to have such incredible friends and I feel so rich in life. Thank you for everyone's kind words and for your loving friendships!

#30daystill30

I am surprised at how excited I actually am to turn the big three oh. What if you were one of those people who were just so dang excited about being alive?! I love the life and opportunities I have had so far and growing older means, growing wiser and letting go some of the juvenile or insecure thoughts that come with wanting to be accepted. Keeping up with the Joneses. There are still times of going on facebook and envying people's lives. Their look. Their ideas. It's easy to get down on your life when you are constantly checking instagram and facebook and when your friends are ridiculously good looking and cool! Ha. I am happy for my friends and all the stages of life they are in. People who don't have kids - want kids. People who have kids - want to travel. People who travel - want a husband. People who have a husband - want a house. Everything is amazing and nobodies happy. Instagram SHOULD act as an inspiration! If you don't think your life is awesome. Then just make it more awesome, duh.  Get excited to be here. Don't get stuck in a rut. I started a #30daystill30 to try something new everyday. Weather it's going to a new country (Colombia) or making pesto. All I know is that life is short and growing older motivates me to do more things! More fun things. And then post them on instagram so other people can see how awesome life is.

a poem for 2014.

I found this poem by Mary Oliver on a friends blog - she posted it while she was in Africa.


“you do not have to be good.

you do not have to walk on your knees

for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.

you only have to let the soft animal of your body

love what it loves.

tell me about despair, yours, and i will tell you mine.

meanwhile the world goes on.

meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain

are moving across the landscapes,

over the prairies and the deep trees,

the mountains and the rivers.

meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,

are heading home again.

whoever you are, no matter how lonely,

the world offers itself to your imagination,

calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting –

over and over announcing your place

in the family of things.”

the most wonderful time of the year.

i have a long layover in burbank and i thought it would be a perfect time to catch up on my blog. except I am sitting in a starbucks full of loud, cheerful consumerist. i am trying to drown out the obnoxious christmas music with something more relaxing. everything is distracting. burbank is full of tourist and people trying to make it. it's a 20 minute drive from the hollywood sign. outside there is a huge christmas tree with bible thumpers standing in front. the wall directly across from me is covered in posters of the counties from which some of the coffee derives...the tanzania one wont stop looking at me. it's taunting me with the rude awakening of being back in the states.
its a weird time of year to come back from africa. my sister kept saying she felt like this trip was going to "change me" more than previous trips. and yes, one of the big reasons i travel is selfishly for myself. to cleanse my mind, body and soul from whatever toxins or misconceptions i have believed about...well, life. the simplicity of being in a third world country alone automatically lowers your expectations about almost everything. i expect to get sick, for the van to break down, to not get on my flights. when i was there little things like warm showers made me so happy :) i am only in control of so much and my attitude is the difference between an ordeal and an adventure (ok, thats a direct quote from pinterest...but it's true!) it takes a lot for me to get irritated or stressed out because i just keep reminding myself of how lucky i am to be in africa and that everything good and bad is part of the experience, part of the story.
but that's africa.
now i am home and it's like i have a sense of bitterness and irritation towards...well, almost everyone. ha. all the sudden i feel allowed or entitled to have high expectations for people and things, including myself. and i am constantly being let down. i was planning on adventure and some sort of revelation in who i am and god building my character. my trip was great, it was so smooth it was almost erie. what i wasn't prepared for was america being so challenging.

Mama India.

People know Mama India all over Tanzania. Karatu, Arusha, the taxi driver at the airport. She is known and respected. She didn't come in to another country trying to change it or Americanize it or make money. She is loving and empowering the youth. She is being a mom. Which when your a kid - that's just...everything.
Here is a short video...about her well, family.

Rift Valley Children's Village

Alone in Afirca.

WHEN: Um...I have no idea.
WHERE: Amsterdam airport.
WHAT I FEEL: I got on all three flights with out a glitch. I forgot nothing. Said goodbye to everyone. I had my game face on. I will successfully experience Africa in all its glory. I laughed to myself as I boarded the flight. Are we even going to Africa? It had to be one of the touristy international flights yet. A window seat next to a small english woman. Success.

WHEN: 9:30am (Tanzania time)
WHERE: Arusha Backpackers
THOUGHTS: It was the tiniest little room with just enough room for a twin bed and my backpack. There was breakfast on the roof and I completely forgot that I'm in a country that roast good coffee. Hallelujah! I check out and the front desk calls me a taxi. Hussein. I look into his eyes and with all my intuition we exchange a handshake of trust. It's how you travel. I told him my plan - ATM and then the "Noah" (speed taxi) to Karatu. And for the next hour or two (time in Africa is hard to measure) we were friends. We had to go to multiple ATMs (imagine that) and as we got out in the bus station area we were bombarded with people trying to get my business. And yelling at Hussein in Swahali. He was kind of laughing as he carried my backpack - my puma shoes dangling on the back. "What are they saying?" I asked. He said - they wanted him to give me to them and they would pay him commission and he said no - so they said "what - is she your relative or something?" He stayed with me for the next hour as the noah filled up. 10 people in a van fit for 8. I gave him a hug and waved goodbye as we pulled out...as if he was my relative or something.

WHEN: 5:30pm
WHERE: A coffee plantation?...just near the Ngorongoro crater. 35 minutes off the main road of Karatu.
WHAT I SEE: We are in a truck capable of off roading up this green, mountainous, surreal landscape. Pascal, the driver hasnt said anything to me. And despite how bumpy the road is and how beautiful it is outside I am actually dozing off. We stop to drop off a couple people that were in the back seat and I am literally rubbing my eyes with two fists, like a child. I see two kiddos running up to me. Waving with the biggest smiles. Oh my god. They are so cute. I get teary eyed (I am jet lagged ok!)...Pascal informs me this is the school. We keep driving...through a small village with more kids waving and pull up to Rift Valley. More kids. 115 kids. I am overwhelmed and so excited that this is where I get to call home for the next three weeks...and I am no longer "alone in Africa."